A weird thought came into my mind this morning as I saw a dead rat.
I was walking towards office as usual, with my eyes on the ground, when I came upon a dead rat lying just a few feet in front of me.
I was stunned for a moment and observed the big fat rat with a long tail.
“Why would there be a dead rat here?”
“It seemed to have just died as the body is still not decomposed.”
“Why wasn’t it cleared?”
“What shall I do?”
“Shall I pick it up and dump it into the bin?”
“How shall I pick it up? By the tail?”
“Will I attract attention?”
“Shall I borrow a bloom and pan from the cleaner?”
“Shall I bury it?”
Numerous weird thoughts ran through my mind but I did not take any action. And after a while, I just decided to move on, with a guilty feeling lingering in my heart, as if I have done something wrong.
There was this story that goes:
A man was feeling disappointed and upset over the marriage of his ex-girlfriend and he asked Buddha why things have happened that way.
Buddha flashed a scene to him, where a naked lady was lying dead on a sea shore. What happened next was the man passed by and out of goodwill, found a piece of cloth and covered the lady’s naked body and moved on. After a while, another man passed by and out of compassion, that man buried the woman.
Buddha said to the man who was feeling disappointed:”In your past life, you have done a good deed to this woman and she has come to repay you by being your girlfriend. However, she has a greater debt towards the man who has buried her. And that man is now her husband.”
It was kind of weird that this story came into my mind when I decided to move on and not do anything to the dead rat. And if I have taken action and buried it, will it come back and repay me in my next life, by being my wife? Have I read too much into Buddhism and rebirth, that I have gone astray?
In actual fact, I didn’t know what to do with it and I was afraid to attract attention. As a result, I have chosen to ignore it and thus the sense of guilt filled my heart. May it be blessed, Amitabha!
Recently, one of my friends was telling me that the way I am practising meditation as well as changing my mindset, I am walking towards the path of being a monk.
I told her that it is not impossible. At this point in time, I truly understand myself, that I am just an emotional person, and what I posses is just love and not compassion. All I am seeking is just some peace in my soul……