It was so real……

I was meditating in my room in the morning after breakfast.

It was a hot day and so I turned on the air-conditioner to get a better experience.

I tried my best to focus and concentrate by first relaxing my body and mind, followed by making silent wishes and prayers in my heart.

Slowly, I turned my attention to the in and out breaths.

With every in breath, I said to myself: “in breath” and with every out breath, I said: “out breath”.

Soon, I fell into a state of dream world, where my thoughts began to drift unknowingly. I was no longer aware of what I was doing, though I could feel my stomach expanding with every in breath.

For whatever reason that I did not know of, I felt myself walking on something that was very high up in the sky. And as I walked, I could feel my heart beat increased and before I knew it, I have come to the edge of the “platform” and right in front of me was just a sea of clouds! And I had a big shock and woke up from my meditation!

Ever since my late 20’s, I realised that I have acrophobia, or so I thought. As long as I am standing on something that is not a firm ground and does not have anything for me to hold on to, fear will engulf me.

I must clarify that I do not fear going up and moving around in tall buildings, mountains. I’m not even afraid to take flights. In fact, I love to enjoy the view from the top, looking out through the windows from my house, appreciating the beauty of nature on mountains and also watching the clouds from my seat in the airplane.

I guess that’s because I feel safe when I am “caged” or grounded. I do not worry that I will suddenly fall off from building, the mountain or the plane.

The experience that I have just been through in my meditation was so real that my heart was pounding furiously as I opened my eyes and stared at the cupboard doors right in front of me.

Have I fallen asleep in a meditating position? Or have I….?

21.05.2017

Francis Lim

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