得而复失,失而复得 / Lost and Found

English version below……
  送走好友之后,我打的回家。
  在车上我默默地想着今天的离别,后会无期,精神上有点恍惚。这一段不期而遇的友情,来得快,去得也快。
  抵达目的地时,我一边从钱包掏出车资,一边诚意地提醒的士师父看清楚了再停车,因为我家楼下随时都会有交警站在路旁拍摄犯法的驾车人士。
  下了车,正当我无言地望着的士绝尘而去,忽然发现自己的钱包并没有在我的手里。一惊之下,意识到一定是我在嘱咐的士师父的时候,把钱包给放在座位上而忘了收。
  慌忙中看见另一辆空的士正好停在红绿灯前,于是匆匆上车要那位师父帮我去追刚才那辆的士。
  缘由我只知道车的形状与颜色,却不知车牌,我的心像热锅上的蚂蚁,不知该指示师父直走还是拐弯,我俩便像无头苍蝇般在路上毫无目的地飞驰。
  还好那名师父的人也不错,耐心地询问详情,更建议我第一件事就是报警,然后取消钱包里所有的信用卡。
  兜了一圈,无奈的要师父掉头回到我原来的地方,更向他连连道歉,因为我身上只剩下一些硬币。
  的士师父很明白我的处境,笑着对我说:“没事,这也不是你要的。你的硬币有多少就给多少吧。”
  这世上始终还是有很多善良的人士的。
  路途中,渐渐平复的情绪让我醒起了这些日子的静坐与正念在这种紧张情况并没有发挥任何作用。然而,我却认为那是我修行不够,而不是修行没有用。
  我更暗暗默许,希望是我一时的忽略,在下车时把钱包掉在地上。
  我嘱咐的士师父把我带到原来的地方,付了车费(还好我的硬币零钱足够付费),便下了车。
  我闭上眼睛,尽量地回忆我第一次下车的位置,然后走过去,忐忑的心噗通噗通地跳。我用目光扫射,突然看见草地上有一块黑黝黝的物体。
  我加快脚步定睛一看,果然是我的钱包,原来我确实是把钱包放在腿上,在下车的时候掉在那块草地上了。
  拾起了钱包,泪珠在双眸中滚动,我感动得抬起头对着阴暗的天空不停地说:“谢谢!谢谢!”
  我的钱包失而复得了,却也让我更清楚地看清自己的修行在惊慌失措的时候毫无用处,完完全全地忘了用呼吸来平定自己的情绪,再回思钱包可能掉在哪里。
  因为得失之间依然无法处之泰然,所以才会陷入那段时间的焦急与茫然,更多的是无意间还暗暗骂了自己那么大意。
  生活的得与失,始终牵绊着我的心,想要放下一切确实是谈何容易。我的手掌已经不再紧握,只是还没学会把它们摊开,去拥抱整个天空。
  望着仍然阴暗的天空,我默默地为我的好友祈福,但愿她能够度过所有难关,幸福快乐……
  25.05.2017
  文/林顺源
  As I sent her away, I took a cab home. With the thought that we will not meet again, I felt solemn. This friendship came out of nowhere and now will go to nowhere. It is something that I am beginning to lose.
  When my destination was near, I took out my wallet for the cab fare, and cautioned the taxi driver to look out for any traffic police along the road which I wanted to alight. I’ve seen too many officers standing there catching traffic offenders.
  After alighting from the cab, still with a heavy heart, I watched the cab zooming away, noticing how it has become smaller and smaller, before I realised that my hands were empty! I frantically searched my pockets and my bag but my wallet was nowhere to be found. I knew I must have left it on my lap while paying the cab fare and dropped it in the cab while alighting.
  I panicked and looked around. Coincidentally, another empty cab stopped at the traffic light, waiting for green light. I rushed into the cab and briefly told the driver what has happened and requested him to help me chase the other cab.
  But soon I was faced with a huge challenge, I did not know the car plate of the first cab that I took, and all I can remember was that it was a yellow top cab. And unfortunately, yellow top cabs do not belong to any operator now and there was nowhere I could call the control tower to look for the cabby.
  The driver was driving aimlessly around, helping me to look out for any yellow top cab. He was a patient and nice guy. While I kept apologising to him for causing inconvenience, he smiled and advised me to report to police since we can’t find the yellow top cab. He also reminded me to cancel all my credit cards upon reaching home.
  After a while, I gave up the hope of finding the yellow top cab and instructed the second cab driver to turn back and drop me where I was. I was then faced with a second problem, since I have lost my wallet, it meant that I didn’t have any cash with me. I couldn’t even pay by cards. I tried to dig for coins in my pockets and bag and managed to find some, but not sure if they were enough.
  Fortunately, I was lucky to have met a kind soul as he smiled to me and said: “It’s ok. This is not what you wanted too. Just pay me whatever you have.”
  I felt thankful and also hopeful that this world is beautiful after all.
  On the journey back, my thoughts began to settle and I realised that all the mindfulness and meditation that I’ve been doing for the past few months have not had any effect on me. I was like a lost soul with full of attachment to material stuffs in this world.
  I could have taken it easier and calmed myself down. But I failed to do so.
  Having said that, I acknowledged that it was my own fault and has nothing to do with mindfulness or meditation. I believe that I’ve not practised enough. At the same time, I was hopeful that it was just a “boo boo” that I’ve created out of nothing. I hoped that the wallet could have dropped along the curb where the first cab stopped.
  When the cab finally came to a stop, I paid the fare (luckily I had enough of coins) and alighted.
  Standing by the road, I closed my eyes and recalled as much as I could where was the exact place where I alighted from the first cab and walked towards that location. My heart was beating fast, and I searched the location with my eyes from afar.
  Then I saw a black object lying near the curb in the grass patch. I hurried forward and there it was, the wallet that I thought I have lost! It was really a “boo boo” at my end! I have run around searching for something when it was just beside me!
  With tears in my eyes, I lifted my head and looked at the gloomy sky and said: “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
  My wallet has been lost and found, and this incident led me to be aware that my practice so far has been “useless” to me, for I have forgotten to be mindful and make use of breathing to calm myself down. If I have had done so, I could have noticed that my wallet was just lying on the ground beside me!
  Material attachment has been in my heart and soul for years. And I’ve been trying my best to practise mindfulness to let go of all these, for I believe that they are the cause to all sufferings. But it isn’t as easy as I think. While I do not hold my hands too tightly anymore, I have yet to open them up fully so that I can embrace the whole universe.
  Before I headed home, to the gloomy sky I prayed and wished that my friend will be blessed and that she will cross all obstacles that lay in front of her….
  25.05.2017
  Francis Lim
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2 thoughts on “得而复失,失而复得 / Lost and Found

Add yours

  1. 人的情绪在遭遇紧急关头时
    毫无疑问每个人会焦虑紧张
    钱包丢了那刹那会责怪运气
    你重新找到只能说运气很好
    还有一种可能有人拾到归还
    因为生活当中会遇各种问题
    假如完全脱离现实社会生活
    那就完全可以达到修行目的

    Liked by 1 person

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