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用爱灌溉自己的心灵 / Embracing myself with love

English version below…

去年春节时期,我买了两盆花,其中一盆是我很喜欢的向日葵,因为它们象征了一段很美丽的友情故事。
可是不过两三个星期,两盆花都被我弄得枯萎凋谢,虽然有点难过,但也只好承认自己不是种花的人。


后来,玲玲又买了一盆种在盆栽里的石榴树(最近才知道它的名字),我也尽量每天都给予水分,偶尔忘了浇水也无所谓,结果当然是遭受了花谢叶落的厄运,只剩光秃秃的枝干。
于是,我放弃了种花的念头,因为那段日子我有太多的杂念需要去处理,尤其是我纷乱的心思。
……
这一年多来,我一直不忘在书籍里寻找人生的方案,希望能够更真切地认识自己。
自从涉及灵性书籍以后,逐渐相信我们内在住着一个长不大的孩子,而他总会在不经意间影响了我们的言行举止。
而在我静坐冥想的过程中,曾经确切地感觉到自己内在小孩的脆弱,以及他隐藏得极好的伤口,时不时地释放一股莫名的情绪,或是忽然感觉悲伤,或是忽然感觉失望。
因此,我一直与自己的内在聊天,尤其是在冥想的时候,或是当发现有些情绪涌上心头的那一刻,我会即刻停下来,观察自己的内心,看看究竟是什么启动了那股莫名的情绪。
虽然还未达到先知先觉,却已经慢慢地从后知后觉走近当知当觉。
……
一个月前,我请了一天假在家无所事事,只想好好地让自己的心灵在这节奏紧张的生活得到歇息,也算是为自己的心灵充充电。
那天用过早餐后,伫立于窗口望着白云蓝天,无故地想起去年种花的经历,突发奇想地希望自己能够成功的培养种花的兴趣与技术。
我想那是一份集好奇、不认输、执着以及贪玩的心情而作的决定。
于是,我就要玲玲从她公司附近买了一盆石榴树回来,决定好好地把它栽种。
当那盆石榴树被捧回来的时候,我从挂在树上的一张纸条知道了树名叫做pomegranate(即是石榴树),便上网查询,因而知道石榴树是一种极需要阳光的植物,便把它放置在门口公共走廊的窗口处,希望能够把它好好照顾。


我日以继夜地浇水,不敢忘却,而且日日观察。谁知道过不了4、5日,竟然发现原本红润的花儿已经枯萎,而许多绿叶也已经开始泛黄,有些甚至已经干燥而脱落。
我怀疑是不是给予它太多的水分。顿时间,心情有点沮丧,信心也渐渐滑落。
……
原本已经决定再次放弃,却在7月29日星期六的早晨无意间发现可能的问题所在。
那天,当我踏出门口的时候,不经意地往楼梯口随意一瞥,看见晨曦透窗而入,把一片白色的墙染成金黄色,仿佛披上了一袭黄袍,而栏杆的影子也投映在墙上。
我心有所悟,转过头去看看那盆石榴树,才发现原来它的位置根本就吸收不到阳光。
恍然大悟之下,我再次上网搜查,确定了石榴树喜欢阳光的特性,便将它移至楼梯口处,让它享受阳光的沐浴。


后来我又想起这段日子所触及的书籍如自修,灵性,甚至是心想事成的吸引力法则,最终的概要都是“爱”。
我也曾经在一些书上读过这个世界万事万物都有灵性,必须用爱浇灌才能绽放色彩。实验也曾证明两碗煮熟的米饭也会因为有爱或无爱的灌溉而呈现不同的结果。
于是,我给那盆石榴树取了一个名字,早晚为它浇水,时时与它对话,或是早上好,或是晚上好,向它问候,也对它说爱,总而言之,我尽量把它当做是一个知己,偶尔对它说出一些心事。
我相信假以时日,它一定会感受到我真诚的呵护,以及我对它的期许而茁壮成长。
……
有一天晚上,我一如既往地提水为石榴树浇水,竟然看见原本只是小小的两个花苞,如今显得更大了些,除此之外,我也看到又有五个新的花苞也开始长了出来!


那一刻的喜出望外实在是难以言喻,便忙不迭地把一切尽数摄入手机里。我知道我的爱已渐渐地感动了它,滋润了它,更给了它想要绽放色彩的生命力。
前夜,坐在客厅里享受着一杯咖啡,门口突然刮起一阵寒风,然后倾盆大雨便淅淅沥沥地笔直而下,一时之间,整个氛围溢满了一层微微的寒气以及沙、沙、沙的旋律。
或许是担心石榴树的“安危”,我打开门张望那盆靠在楼梯窗口的石榴树,却见它正在风雨中摇曳着枝干,仿佛在感受着这天降的爱的沐浴。
那一刻的我,心里充满了无限的喜悦以及满满的感恩。
我知道不只是石榴树在健康地成长,我的心灵也随着这点滴的感悟而渐渐萌芽……
……
我们的心灵也像一颗幼苗,必须用爱来灌溉,才能滋长。只是多少年来,我们耳濡目染,后来更被物欲横流的社会所熏陶,总是在往外看,往外追求,忽略了我们内在的心灵。
在我们追求金钱名利的同时,我们忽略了洗涤自己的心灵而让许许多多污秽、自私、盲目的思想所侵占。当我们心里充满嫉妒、仇恨、不满、不屑、愤怒、攀比等等,我们其实是在为自己的心灵喂养种种负面的种子。
于是,一颗本来纯净的心,慢慢慢慢地被罩上了一层污浊的隔膜,蒙蔽了我本善良的一颗心。
所谓种瓜得瓜种豆得豆,若是不及时克制这些负能量的滋长,后果不堪设想。世俗便有有这样调侃世人的话:你愿意付的若只是花生,得到的员工便只有猴子。如果我们连自己的心灵也不细心呵护,它又怎会在我们遭受困扰的时候给予我们最有力的保护呢?
用爱灌溉自己的心灵,让他在这急促的社会学会如何舒缓,不人云亦云,不同流合污,专注于自己的喜好、原则,但也学会尽量不去批判。这样就不会让污浊的思想污染我们的心灵。
……
一行禅师在祂的一本书里曾说过:负面的种子比比皆是,然而正面的种子也无所不在,譬如慈悲,宽容以及爱。这些正面的种子都被埋在土壤里,没有雨水便不会滋长。我们的修行就是要辨认这些正面的种子,时时为它们浇灌。当你认清你慈悲的一面,记住要时时为它浇灌,日以继夜。
今天早上,我终于看见其中一个花苞已经慢慢开花。这是我用爱灌溉的结果,也是我渐渐成长的最有力鉴证……


20.08.2017
文/林顺源

 

Last Chinese New Year in 2016, I bought 2 pots of flowers and one of them was sunflower, something that I love very much as it signified a beautiful friendship.
But both plants died after a few weeks, and other than feeling slightly upset, I told myself that I’m just not cut out for this.


It was months later when Elaine bought another pot of plant – pomegranate (I didn’t know the name till recently) and I tried my best to take care of it too, but still it didn’t last long and what was left was just the bare branches.
I have since given up the idea of gardening as I had too many personal issues and problems to handle.

For the past one year plus, I’ve been seeking the truth of life, hoping to get to know myself better.
Ever since I started reading on inner peace, I begin to believe that we all have an inner child within ourselves, and he is in someway controlling our actions and behaviours. It became more apparent when I started to meditate and I could see my inner child feeling weak and in fact hiding some truths from me. And these truths are the triggers to the sudden disappointments which upset me many a times.
I attempted (still attempting) to talk to my inner child often, especially during meditation or when a sudden negative emotion rushed to my head. And I will then stop for that moment and observe myself, searching for the true trigger that caused the rise in my temperament.
Although I have not attained the level of being mindful, I am sure I’m moving from not being aware to the level of being self-aware on the spot (when things happened).

A month ago, I took a day’s leave to allow my body and soul to rest. And as I was looking out of my windows after breakfast, I recalled the last experience I have had with the 2 pots of flower. Suddenly, there was an urge to have another pot of plant to cultivate the interest in gardening, as part of my soul searching journey.
I requested Elaine to buy another pot of pomegranate so that I can learn something on gardening. When I received the pomegranate, I took note of the name and searched on line for its characteristics and understood that it is a plant that needs lots of sunlight. Hence, I placed it on the common corridor of our flats and near to the window and made a decision to take care of it whole heartedly.


I watered it day and night, with constant reminders, and observed its growth. It was just barely 4 to 5 days before I saw the flowers withering and some of the leaves were falling off from the branches. I was wondering have I given it too much water and felt disappointed with myself.
My confidence level dropped.

I was about to give up when something coincidental happened, which made me found the possible root cause.
It was 29 July 2017, a Saturday morning. I was stepping out of my house and took a quick glance of the stairway. What I saw was the morning sun shining on the wall of the stairway, and the aluminium window ledge casted a shadow onto the wall.
As if something that struck my mind, I turned and looked at my pomegranate, and there it was sitting still without sunlight. All these while, it has not been given the sunlight that it needs.
I searched on line again to confirm my understanding and quickly moved it to the stairway where sunlight can be found.

And then all the stuffs that I read on books about inner peace, inner self, soul searching, enlightenment came to my mind, they are all talking about “love”. I also recalled that I have read somewhere about all things in this world are spiritually alive, and experiments have proven that cooked rice behave differently with or without love after a few days.
Base on these theories, I gave the pomegranate plant a name, and as I water it every day and night, I called its name and talked to it, either a good morning, or a good evening. At times, I would also chat with it for a little while and say love to it. I treat it as my confidante and share my thoughts.
I believe strongly, that it will be able to feel my love and grow up strong and healthy.

A week later, it was another usual evening when I watered the plant. But what I noticed was that the 2 little buds have grown bigger, and besides these two, there are another 5 buds that seem to come out of nowhere!


I was so excited that I rushed into the house, grabbed my phone and started snapping pictures of the buds. I knew at that moment that my love for it has been rewarded, it has been touched and moved, that it is now ready to showcase its beauty!
One night, I was having my coffee in the living room when there was a sudden gust of wind that blew through the door. Following next was an unexpected downpour and the atmosphere was then filled with a chilly sensation. It was perhaps out of worry that I decided to step out of my house to take a look at the pomegranate. And what I saw was it dancing in the strong wind, as if it was enjoying the sensation of the chilly rain!
My heart was filled with happiness and gratitude. I knew that the pomegranate has grown, so has my inner self.

Our inner self (or some may call it inner soul) is like a seed that needs love in order to truly grow. But along the journey of our life, we have been taught to look at the without and not the within. We are blinded by all the material stuffs and neglected our inner self.
As we pursue material stuffs such as money and status, we have forgotten to cleanse our inner self and let all the selfish thoughts, survival skills, dirty tricks to wrap our once pure heart with filthiness. When our hearts are filled with hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction, despicabiliity, anger and competitiveness, we are in fact feeding our inner self with negativity.
As the saying that goes: you reap whatever you sow. And if we do not curb the growth of our negative seeds such as greed, the result is unimaginable. Just like another sarcastic remark that goes in the working world, when you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. So if we don’t even take care of our inner self with love, how do we expect them to protect us from all the downfalls in life?
Embracing myself with love is what I have learned in the past one year. Let my inner self learn how to slow down and appreciate things around me, especially in this very fast paced society. I shall not echo what others are saying without thinking through, I shall not blend with those who wants to climb to higher status through their mouths, but again, I am no one to judge who are they, for I am also learning not to be judgemental.

Buddhist Master, Thich Nhat Hanh, once said in his book: The seeds of negativity are always there, but very positive seeds also exist, such as the seeds of compassion, tolerance and love. These seeds are all there in the soil, but without rain, they cannot manifest. Our practice is to recognise the positive seeds and water the positive seeds. If you recognise the seed of compassion in yourself, you should make sure that it is watered several times every day.
This morning, as I was watering the pomegranate, I noticed that the biggest bud has finally begun to blosoom, and I knew that it is a result of my love, and an evident that I have also grown…


20.08.2017
Francis Lim

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9 replies »

  1. 是!沒錯的!
    植物成長需要時間也要用對栽植的方法
    不然會白忙一場
    植物也可憐就一命嗚呼哀哉了!
    我也會和植物講話
    其實一直覺得植物雖不如動物一樣
    和人有直接互動的能力
    但仍是充滿生命的和所有動物一樣
    用這樣的心對待他們
    他們也能讓我們擁有好心情!^^
    這是一篇很棒的文章!

    Liked by 1 person

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