It was like a wake up call, the unpleasant and unfriendly argument led me to realise that I seem to have forgotten about mindfulness and living in the now and the here. For every moment, I have been thinking either of the past or the future.
As the daily life become more and more hectic, I dragged myself and chased after the second hand. And in so doing, I neglected my meditation, chanting, reading, photography and writing.
“Busyness” became the best excuse for my laziness and the neglected heart and soul began to be filled with things that shouldn’t even be there.
I should have known how to accept this world, including people whom I like and dislike and treat everyone as equal. But then I have begun to grumble many things;
I should have learned to be compassionate towards all sentient beings in this world, understanding that each and every one of us have our own pains and fears in life. But then again, I began to feel an imbalance within my heart;
As I picked up a book and started reading, it was barely two pages and I couldn’t get anything into my mind, even though the words fell into my eyes.
Recalling the days when I was working hard, I practised towards making a better me. I meditated to clear my mind of all filthy thoughts, I chanted for the well being of all sentient beings, I read to improve myself constantly and photography and writing were means for me to relax my mind.
But when these were neglected, I find myself back to where I have started.
Looking at the beautiful bookmark in the shape of a Bodhi leaf, something that contains blessings and love, I feel guilty towards Hilary who has given me this special gift.
In life, we fall back to where we were or even worst if we don’t consistently move forward and this comes with hard work. And as it is widely acknowledge that in order to get something, we need to work for it and pay a price.
I guess it’s time for my to do more self reflection…