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Hope for the best and accept whatever that comes / 有所期待但要随遇而安

I was lying on the bed thinking: if tomorrow never comes for me, that is, if I don’t wake up and leave this world forever, what will happen to the people around me?

They will be shocked, they will be sad and they probably cannot believe that I have left this world just like this.

And then they will find out what kind of mess I have left behind for them.

But as time goes by, slowly, they will let go, for they will realise that there is nothing much they can do. It is foolish to go against the will of destiny (or god or heaven or whatever we believe in).

The earth continues to revolve, the sun and moon continue to rise and fall, day and night interchanges themselves. When it’s time to pour, the rain will not hold themselves. When it’s time to shine, the sun will be most glad to light up everyone’s life.

Life goes on and what’s left is just a memory of me that they have, a little bit of sweetness, a little bit of regrets, a little bit of bitter and a little bit of pain. No one will hate or blame me for leaving.

Soon, everyone will be moving on and I may possible be forgotten.

I chanced upon a YouTube video of Alan Watts speech more than a week ago and I’ve been watching or listening to his speech almost daily. In one of his speech, he said: try to imagine going to sleep and never wake up. And that was what triggered me to think what if I don’t wake up tomorrow.

And one of the video I like very much is this: It starts now, something that inspire me to think of pursuing what I want in life.

Now, let’s say it’s not death that I am facing, but I just decide to leave where I belong, to where I do not know, perhaps to pursue my own happiness or liberation or purpose of life or for no apparent reason, I just want freedom.

What will it be like and how will the people and my family around me react?

They will be shocked, they will be mad and they probably cannot believe that I have left them just like this.

And then they will also probably find out what kind of mess I have left behind for them.

As time goes by, they continue to ask the same question of why do I want to leave. But the earth continues to revolve, the sun and moon continue to rise and fall, day and night interchanges themselves. When it’s time to pour, the rain will not hold themselves. When it’s time to shine, the sun will be most glad to light up everyone’s life.

Life goes on and everyone may just move on. What’s left is just a scar that they have, the same question remains with a little bit (or even a lot) of hatred, a little bit of bitter and I may be blamed for not being responsible, for hurting people who supposedly love me and for being selfish.

So what’s the difference between the two? The result is almost the same but why the different reactions and emotions?

I believe it’s how we all look at the situation. It’s about acceptance and expectations. They have allowed their expectations of me to become their unhappiness, they have let their own emotions rule over them. And so when the second scenario happens, they will feel betrayed because they think that their happiness lie in my hands, that I’m responsible for their lives. They cannot accept the fact that it is what it is.

I have been living for others for many years (yes it sounds like I’m such a great person which I am totally not), and when it comes to living for myself and pursuing what I think is what I want, I have a sense of guilt that fills my heart.

I too seem to have established a fact that if I leave, I will bring unhappiness to them. I seem to have developed a belief in myself (and who does not) that my actions, behaviours, thoughts and decisions will decide the happiness of the other people.

But as long as it’s not physically hurting anyone, or using words to abuse or look down on others, what makes me think that whatever that I do or think is the cause of happiness or unhappiness to the other people?

Many a times, we are emotionally hurt because we allow ourselves to, not because of what others do or say. It is our egos or inner children who are whining and feeling hurt, thinking that the other party should do or say what we expect him to. We let our happiness lie on the hands of the other people.

We are always facing disappointments, anger and even sadness because we have expectations. And the moment our expectations are not met, we feel hurt.

I have begun to learn to let go of my own expectations. There is no point asking for others to give me happiness. If whatever that makes me happy happens, it’s a bonus. If it does not happen, accept it. If I am not being appreciated or loved, so be it. And if I am being loved or missed, naturally I will be told.

My happiness is in my own hands and I know that if I can manage my expectations, I will be happier and still pursue what I think will make me happy.

Pursuit of happiness in itself is a desire. And I do not know my idea of happiness is really happiness but if I don’t try, I will never know. What I know is that I need to learn how to live life fully now, and that’s what I’m trying to do.

There’s always an old saying that goes: hope for the best but expect the worst. I begin to feel that this is just another statement that people use to lie to themselves.

In the law of attraction, it says that whatever we think most will become reality and that’s precisely what happens in real life, because that’s what we keep telling ourselves—expect the worst!

Perhaps a better statement will be: hope for the best and accept whatever that comes.

Learn to live life fully and things will happen the way it is meant to happen…

 

22.09.2018

Francis Lim

 

当我躺在床上时,脑际里忽然冒出一个画面:若是明日不再来,也就是说我一觉不醒,从此离开红尘,我身边的人将会如何是好?

他们会很震惊,悲伤甚至不愿相信我就这样离开了他们。

然后他们会发现我给他们留下了一塌糊涂的后遗症。

可是,时光荏苒,岁月如梭,渐渐地他们会放下,因为他们会感知到再回顾也没有用,想要抵抗命运实在是一种很愚蠢的行为。

地球依然会转,日升月落,白昼黑夜,日晒雨淋,大自然仍然会周而复始地重复着。

生活依然还是要过,剩下的或许只是一些模糊的记忆,有酸甜苦辣咸,却不会有人对我的离去有所怨言。

然后就是大家继续过着自己的生活。

不经意在YouTube遇见Alan Watts的演讲,深受他的伦理吸引,用了一些时间听闻他的伦理。他的其中一句:试想想自己一觉不醒,那是什么感觉,引起了我以上的想法。

其中让我感到有些振奋的是以下的视频——It starts now,让我更想去追逐我的目标。

 

如果说之前的画面不是一觉不醒,而是我作出了抉择而离开,到我不知何方的地方去追逐我想要的生活,或是寻找自我,或是寻找解脱,或是寻找人生的真谛,甚或只是想要获得自由,我身边的人又会作出何种反应,如何看待这件事呢?

他们或许还是会震惊,然后会愤怒,受伤,而且不敢相信我会就这样地离开他们。

当然他们也会发现我留下的烂摊子。

时间久了,他们会继续地质问我会如此冷酷无情地就作出这样的事。但是,地球依然会转,日升月落,白昼黑夜,日晒雨淋,大自然仍然会周而复始地重复着。

生活依然还是要过,而我留下给他们的是一道伤痕,以及那一个不曾得到回答的疑问,带点苦涩,甚至是怨恨,结果,我就是那个不负责任以及自私的人。

为何结局是一样,可是他们的反应与情绪竟然有如此大的分别呢?

我相信这是对于处境有所预期与接纳的角度问题。他们让对我的预期造成他们的痛苦,更让他们的情绪控制了他们的心。因此,当第二个画面出现时,他们会因为认为自己的幸福与快乐是我给予的而感觉被背叛。他们无法接纳不管怎样,我的离开已成事实。

多少年来,我都在为别人而活(听起来似乎自己很伟大,其实不然),可是当我一想起想要为自己而活去追逐自己想要的生活,愧疚感不期而至。原来在不知不觉间,我也为自己播种了一种信念,就是我的离去会带给身边人的无限痛苦,我深信自己的言行举止、想法以及决定会影响他人的快乐与否。

但不论是在身体上或是言语上,只要不是蓄意伤害人,是什么让我认为我的举止或思想会导致他人的不愉快呢?

很多时候,我们在情绪上或是心理上感觉痛苦,是因为我们自己允许自己受伤,而不是他人的所作所为。是我们的小我在作怪,总是在心底深处无病呻吟,总认为别人必须跟着我们所预期的来对待我们。结果,我们把自己的快乐放在他人的手掌心上。因为有所预期,我们经常感到失落,愤怒甚至哀伤,尤其是当对方无法达到我们所预期的。

于是,我努力地学习如何放下自己对别人的期望,更提醒自己不必要去乞讨他人给我幸福。世间没有理所当然的给予,只有不期而至的幸福,当我所预期的人、事、物没有出现或发生时,我学习着如何去接纳。

我的快乐,我的幸福,由始至终都是掌握在自己手中。只要能够把持住一颗平常的心,我仍然可以去追逐我想要的生活而不会感到疑惑、惶恐甚或是愧疚。

追逐本身就是一种欲望,更何况我根本不知道自己想要的是否能够带给我我正在寻找的快乐。但是如果我不放手去尝试,我永远不会知道结果会是如何。 我只好且行切学习,并认真地活在当下。

相信许多人都听过这样一句话:期待最好,同时预备最坏的结果。对于这一句话,我渐渐地无法苟同,总觉得这是人们自欺欺人的想法。

吸引力法则说:我们在隐约中想得最多的一定会变成事实,而且现实也经常证实了这一句话(至少对我来说),因为我们一直在预期最坏的结局。

或许,较为适合的应该是:有所期待但要随遇而安。

学习如何活在当下,该发生的自然会发生……

 

22.09.2018

林顺源

 

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2 replies »

  1. 順源,你想得多,讀得多,看得多,我常常在閱讀你的想法之時學到很多很多我的生命裡從沒發生過的經驗!
    人的七情六慾根深蒂固,所以很難面對發生的事。 到底這些事存在嗎?

    你一直是我敬佩學習的心靈之友。 終於記得告訴你了~ 耶!

    Liked by 1 person

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