I was lying on the bed thinking: if tomorrow never comes for me, that is, if I don’t wake up and leave this world forever, what will happen to the people around me?
They will be shocked, they will be sad and they probably cannot believe that I have left this world just like this.
And then they will find out what kind of mess I have left behind for them.
But as time goes by, slowly, they will let go, for they will realise that there is nothing much they can do. It is foolish to go against the will of destiny (or god or heaven or whatever we believe in).
The earth continues to revolve, the sun and moon continue to rise and fall, day and night interchanges themselves. When it’s time to pour, the rain will not hold themselves. When it’s time to shine, the sun will be most glad to light up everyone’s life.
Life goes on and what’s left is just a memory of me that they have, a little bit of sweetness, a little bit of regrets, a little bit of bitter and a little bit of pain. No one will hate or blame me for leaving.
Soon, everyone will be moving on and I may possible be forgotten.
I chanced upon a YouTube video of Alan Watts speech more than a week ago and I’ve been watching or listening to his speech almost daily. In one of his speech, he said: try to imagine going to sleep and never wake up. And that was what triggered me to think what if I don’t wake up tomorrow.
And one of the video I like very much is this: It starts now, something that inspire me to think of pursuing what I want in life.
Now, let’s say it’s not death that I am facing, but I just decide to leave where I belong, to where I do not know, perhaps to pursue my own happiness or liberation or purpose of life or for no apparent reason, I just want freedom.
What will it be like and how will the people and my family around me react?
They will be shocked, they will be mad and they probably cannot believe that I have left them just like this.
And then they will also probably find out what kind of mess I have left behind for them.
As time goes by, they continue to ask the same question of why do I want to leave. But the earth continues to revolve, the sun and moon continue to rise and fall, day and night interchanges themselves. When it’s time to pour, the rain will not hold themselves. When it’s time to shine, the sun will be most glad to light up everyone’s life.
Life goes on and everyone may just move on. What’s left is just a scar that they have, the same question remains with a little bit (or even a lot) of hatred, a little bit of bitter and I may be blamed for not being responsible, for hurting people who supposedly love me and for being selfish.
So what’s the difference between the two? The result is almost the same but why the different reactions and emotions?
I believe it’s how we all look at the situation. It’s about acceptance and expectations. They have allowed their expectations of me to become their unhappiness, they have let their own emotions rule over them. And so when the second scenario happens, they will feel betrayed because they think that their happiness lie in my hands, that I’m responsible for their lives. They cannot accept the fact that it is what it is.
I have been living for others for many years (yes it sounds like I’m such a great person which I am totally not), and when it comes to living for myself and pursuing what I think is what I want, I have a sense of guilt that fills my heart.
I too seem to have established a fact that if I leave, I will bring unhappiness to them. I seem to have developed a belief in myself (and who does not) that my actions, behaviours, thoughts and decisions will decide the happiness of the other people.
But as long as it’s not physically hurting anyone, or using words to abuse or look down on others, what makes me think that whatever that I do or think is the cause of happiness or unhappiness to the other people?
Many a times, we are emotionally hurt because we allow ourselves to, not because of what others do or say. It is our egos or inner children who are whining and feeling hurt, thinking that the other party should do or say what we expect him to. We let our happiness lie on the hands of the other people.
We are always facing disappointments, anger and even sadness because we have expectations. And the moment our expectations are not met, we feel hurt.
I have begun to learn to let go of my own expectations. There is no point asking for others to give me happiness. If whatever that makes me happy happens, it’s a bonus. If it does not happen, accept it. If I am not being appreciated or loved, so be it. And if I am being loved or missed, naturally I will be told.
My happiness is in my own hands and I know that if I can manage my expectations, I will be happier and still pursue what I think will make me happy.
Pursuit of happiness in itself is a desire. And I do not know my idea of happiness is really happiness but if I don’t try, I will never know. What I know is that I need to learn how to live life fully now, and that’s what I’m trying to do.
There’s always an old saying that goes: hope for the best but expect the worst. I begin to feel that this is just another statement that people use to lie to themselves.
In the law of attraction, it says that whatever we think most will become reality and that’s precisely what happens in real life, because that’s what we keep telling ourselves—expect the worst!
Perhaps a better statement will be: hope for the best and accept whatever that comes.
Learn to live life fully and things will happen the way it is meant to happen…
其中让我感到有些振奋的是以下的视频——It starts now，让我更想去追逐我的目标。